Mothers With Many…

I am honored to feature on this edition of Mothers With Many, Meghan Lauer. Meghan is a foster/adopted Mum to her gorgeous children! A truly selfless woman with a huge heart for giving. A single Mum, Meghan shares with us how she balances family life with all the demands of work life and parenting.What an inspirational woman, a true Woman of Valor! You can find Meghan on IG @mlauer4

Thanks Meghan for sharing your journey with us!

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1. How many children do you have, name and ages ?

Ryder 12 years old

Noah 2.5 years old

Aniston 1.5 years old

2. What is your current occupation?

Kindergarten Teacher

3. What are the challenges of balancing work and parenting?

There are so many challenges– getting everything done for work, keeping up with the house work are typically the biggest challenges. Getting a good night’s sleep!  Trying to get it all done, yet, being in the moment with my kids and enjoying the little things. I find it’s hard to get one on one time with them on their own with me.  I’d love to be able to do more with them and really see their personalities shine.

4. What is your life philosophy? 

I believe that the best things come from the leaps of faith that you’re willing to take. My faith is important to me and oftentimes I’m being stretched in ways I never imagined or thought possible. It’s not always a comfortable or easy thing to do, in fact, most of the time I fight it.  I don’t like new, change, and risks- it’s terrifying. The unknown is probably one of my biggest fears. However, what’s amazing is when I get over myself and trust- I end up being completely amazed and things turn out way better than I ever could have imagined. I am so thankful for the opportunities that have come my way because of those leaps of faith. 

Each leap has taught me so much- to love deeply and widely as things can change so quickly and one minute people are here, the next they’re gone. To work on letting go of the little things that really in the grand scheme of things won’t matter. I’ve learned to hold tightly to the people who matter and that their voices are the ones I need to listen to. When I think something is impossible, I will be proven wrong and most of the time I am pleasantly surprised.  And of course the good ol’ where there is a will, there is a way- it may not happen right away, but if I keep at it and don’t lose heart and hope- I’ll see it happen.

As a mother, God has taught me that the time we have with our children is extremely precious, we don’t always know how long they’ll be with us but the days that have been given to me I want to pour every ounce of love into my children. I know that my time with them is limited. I value every second, hug, kiss, every night that we sing their song, story read, the light in the oven left on. I cherish the minefield of toys, bath time, and snuggle in my bed because I know that I will not get them forever, for they are not mine but ultimately God’s. I have learned what it means to sacrifice my own wants in order to do what is best for my children as they are my priority. 

5. What is a piece of advice you would give other mothers and what is one thing you wish you had known before having children?

Being a foster/adopt mom has been one of the best things to happen to me.  Not everyone we meet knows I did foster care or that I adopted my kids. Often we get looks, people make comments that can be extremely hurtful, and even cast judgmental looks. I recently was at Target (ok, I’m there all the time) and the babies and I were in the elevator.  My babies are 9.5 months apart and it’s easy to see that they are not twins but are definitely very close in age. They two women in the elevator with us were talking with me just a little bit and one of them told me in a very demeaning and condescending tone that I had my babies “Way to close together” and that I should have waited to have the second.  I say this because I think it is important for us to not let the critics dictate how we feel. Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Man in the Arena” has been very impactful to me as I have been reading Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly  where she quotes him, “It’s not the critic that counts… the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”  I love how Brene reminds us that we are the ones in the battle ring and the opinions that count are the ones from those who get in the arena and “fight” with us.  My best advice is to not to let others bring you down, I know this is much easier said than done. I still work on this all the time, yet, I’ve found that I need to surround myself with those who do know my family and me and let those thoughts fill my head.  I am working on making sure I am not the critic, especially to the moms I see in Target or wherever we are. Rather I work on telling that mom of a screaming toddler- it’s ok, she’s got this, and I’ve been there. I would rather uplift than cast the mom shaming look on a mom who is trying to do her best.

( Wonderful advice Meghan, I love this!)

One thing I wish I had known before becoming a mom is that things can wait- the dishes, floors, etc. My first foster placement was twin girls, they only stayed for 22 days but it was in that time that I realized what is most important. That every minute I have with my children is a gift. Time is never guaranteed and so to be engaged in the present.  I wish that I had taken more pictures and relished in the snuggles a little longer. I remember the girls turned on the oven light every night (not sure when they did it without me seeing) as we were getting ready for bed. I’d go into the kitchen after they were down and sure enough the light was on. After they left I longed for that light to be on. Those precious moments will always stay with me.  I wish I was better at writing those little things down. You’d think I’d have it down by children 6, 7, and 8 but I don’t. I still get caught up in the busyness of life and miss the little things sometimes. I want to be a better mom in that regard. To do the sunsets at the beach more with them, to be braver and enjoy seeing the world through my children’s eyes and not be so caught up in the process of getting, being, leaving, and returning from wherever we go.

6. What is your greatest achievement apart from your child/children so far?

I am pretty proud of the independent woman I am and finding an amazing support network.  I put myself through college and a Master’s program. I’m a single mom and somehow we still manage to do ok and float.  I want to show my children that you can overcome any obstacles that people set in their path and that hard work and sacrifice will pay off.  I’ve learned that people will do anything in their power to tell and show you that you aren’t worth it or good enough, however, pushing past them can lead you down some pretty amazing paths.  I’ve had a lot of push backs, naysayers, and negative people in my life and I’ve had to separate myself from them. I have fought to be a healthy, well rounded, and independent woman who is self sufficient.  I want my kids to find that healthy balance of being independent yet dependent on those who are positive influences in their lives. I hope I am able to be that example for them.

7. What have you done that you thought you could never do?

Adopt 3 kids at one time!  I knew I wanted to be a mom and knew I could adopt but never thought about doing foster care.  Once I felt the call to do so, I was ready to just be someone who helped in kids in need for whatever time was needed. At first I laughed at this whole notion, but the more I thought, prayed, and tried to deny it- God wouldn’t let my heart stop thinking about it. I am single and didn’t think that I could do foster care. I had been struggling with endometriosis for almost 8 years. I saw countless doctors, several specialists, went through 2 surgeries- I probably spent more time with doctors and nurses than I did my own friends. I tried every medication, underwent numerous tests, I tried everything. In the summer of 2013, I told my doctor that I was at the end of my rope. I elected to have a hysterectomy at the age of 26 as this was my only option. I bought my first home and by the end of June 2016,  and signed paperwork to officially become a foster mom. My first call that I could take came in and I was taking on twin 20 month old girls. When the van door opened and I saw their faces, I knew that this was what I was supposed to do and that they were supposed to be with me for whatever time we had together. Since this journey began, I have had the twins, two boys ages two and four, and 10-month-old baby girl. 

My last placement was a 2 day old and a 9 year old. That first year had been filled with ups and downs- it  was an emotional roller coaster. From learning who we are as individuals, as a family, struggles in missing home all while juggling a very complicated schedule. Just when we had found our groove, our new normal, we were thrown another curve ball.  On February 15th, while I was at work, I received a call telling me a baby sister was born and would I be willing to take her in? How do you say no? The next day we brought home Aniston, who was born 5 weeks early and was a tiny little thing. With her arrival so much was unknown, I was anxious about how the boys would react, how to make this work, and then I felt frustrated with the position I was put in as to determine what was best for all of us- to make sure everyone was ok and where they needed to be. I had not planned that she would stay, but God kept closing doors for her to be placed elsewhere. On November 9th, 2018 we sat in front of a judge and officially became a family of 4.  There is so much beauty in the chaos that we endured and I would not change any of it for anything. Sure there are tough days, lots of them! But what I gift I’ve been given. Had I not taken the chance, I would not know these 3 beautiful children.  

8. What books do you /did you like reading to your children?

I’m a teacher so there is a ton of reading going on here.  We love “Love You as Big as the World”, “Five Little Pumpkins”, “Wonkey Donkey” are our current favorites for the babies.  My oldest son loves to read- “Harry Potter” series, “Hunger Games”, “Maze Runner”

As a teacher in my “old life” I have always valued reading as well. I love all the books Meghan reads to her kids and hope that she will add Three Times The Fun to her children’s collection.

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